What Makes Me Cringe:
A few years ago, someone looked around a room full of women I deeply respect and said, “We’re like family.”
Everyone smiled, but me!
Not because I disagreed with the love, loyalty, or because what we had, felt different. These were relationships that hadn’t been handed to us by circumstance. They had been built intentionally over time through trust, honesty, accountability, and shared values, and also conflict, disagreement, forgiveness, and support.
That moment reminded me of something I’ve come to believe more deeply with age:
Family and sisterhood are not the same thing, and I think sisterhood deserves more credit than it gets.
Some of the most meaningful relationships in my life were never assigned, they were chosen, through years of conversations, hard truths, celebrations, and growth. They became the kind of bonds that can only be earned.
That is what sisterhood means to me.
The women I admire most don’t keep score. We don’t compete. We don’t secretly hope another woman fails so we can feel successful. We don’t demand loyalty just because.
We tell the truth when it would be easier to stay quiet. We celebrate other women without needing the spotlight. Respecting boundaries, and We own our shit.
Most importantly, we choose connection over control.
That’s what makes these relationships so powerful. When we stay connected because we genuinely want to, trust deepens, respect grows, and appreciation becomes real.
That’s why I cringe a little when people blur the line between family and sisterhood. One is not better than the other, but because they serve different purposes and are built in different ways.
The same feeling comes up when companies call themselves A family.
I have seen it go wrong!
As a founder, I’ve learned it’s not as simple as stepping into a motherly role
(Doesn’t everybody want to be the cool aunt?)
Every person brings their own experiences, and sometimes their relationship with family has been complicated or painful.
Building meaningful relationships takes patience, trust, and time. What matters most is creating a culture where people feel safe and respected because they want to be there, not because they’re expected to.
To me, that’s the beauty of sisterhood, built through trust, and that’s what makes it extraordinary: we choose it, again and again.
Peace. Love. Glow.
Pattie Kobe
Founder, State of Mind Salon & Day Spa Salon & Day Spa
